NightStalker....

So I am running late again, hopefully this one will catch me up...somewhat.

I was given a call Saturday by a group of people trying to access my blog and that's when I figured out I had been shut down for violating the terms of service. Hopefully all is forgiven and you noticed the warning prior to. Someone must have went elementary school on me, oh well. Looks like I am back and running, Loomisms version 2.0...which Ii will now be backing up.....

Beer of The (Last) Week:
About ten days ago Ii had one of the best beers that I have had in recent memory of its type. I was waiting for my parents to snag me up from the Flying Saucer, and after having an Avery IPA, which was hoppy and flavorful, I noticed the
NightStalker....which is already a sweet name and would make a fantatstic comic book. I was informed it was only in 22oz bottles and it was sixteen rocks. Ii remembered the article in the STL Post-Dispatch a few weeks back praising it and stating that it was only bottled until late march so you'd be lucky to find them prancing about. With little hesitation Ii accepted and was pleasantly surprised. I spoke with the Goose Island rep at Microfest and he told me the two locations where they were still available. Man, is that stuff the sheezy!

Jam of the Week:
Welcome to the Jungle, Guns n Roses

I understand this is a very uncharacteristic song for me to put out there...but when you go to a Royals game and see them black it out in flames in the 360 vision with this blaring you cant help but get goosebumps...unless you are un-American or a CreamSox fan. Purely mesmirizing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4StVvK0Dh8&feature=related
Shout out to youtube for having this on there, it's not the best...but you get the idea.

Game of the week:

I was almost tempted to not have one after my boyhood excitement was dashed and stomped on with Godzilla-like force. When Ii saw there was a downloadable version of Tecmo Bowl redone for XBox live arcade I grinned and giggled uncontrollably and downloaded and waited. No NFLPA liscence. Not really that cool to switch from "3D" to "2D" on the fly. Huge disappointment. I thought it would have all the old teams and present day teams and I could play it on Live and beat people while telling them how bad they are in a Loomy-type way. Not so. Why do they always do this? Over-hype and bring back an old classic, only to ruin it forever. They didn't do it with Zelda or Mario, but they sure as hell managed to with Sonic and Castlevania. I remember when Ii bought Castlevania in 3D for N64 and could hardly contain my glee only to realize it sucked. Thank God for Capcom remaking new 2D Mega Man games, I got 10 and it is pretty impressive, which could give it the game of the week in this last second rant slash change of heart, but instead Ii will stick with the ingenuity to recreate a classic with classic characters....truly remarkable. Peep this link and try to play for less than 20 minutes....not possible.
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/534416

I had no idea that the Loom April bracket of awesome would be that tough to put together. I have finally put the list together in next year's accepted NCAA Tournament Format. It was extremely difficult to put a field of only 68 of the best teams after the autobids from some systems. It was still pretty rewarding and fun. I now see why it's so easy to beat up on the selection committee yearly, but they weren't beefing down a group of thousands, merely three hundo and some change. I first ranked each system in order then allowed automatic bids from that...whatever didn't fall into that went into the 'bubble' From the bubble I selected the last seven games. I then went through and gave a rough estimate of order of awesomeness then serpentined the way through the brackets so Ii would not show favoratism...although I'm sure I will throughout. The Four Divisions will be named:
Captain N Division
Hyrule
Cortana
Vice City

FrankenBerry and Count Chocula

Wow. This post is long overdue, like Jelani McCoy learning his "one postmove away from being a dominant center." The difference between that and this...is that this is actually happening. And the Chiefs ACTUALLY had a good draft. Eric "Franken" Berry was an excellent selection at five. He is who Ii wanted, but Pioli had to be tempted to pick Okung and roll the dice on picking up Taylor Mays. He was all the rave last year and we did not address our offensive line issue...(Cough...Tackle) at all. I hated the McCluster pick, but when interviewed and asked if he was a rb or a wr and he replied OW...offensive weapon i started to get excited for what he's going to do out of the slot. Cody and Thomas were still available here, which may have been a bigger need. Then grabbing Javier "Count Chocula" Arenas will give us the best returner in the draft and a solid nickel back, solidifying our balanced nutritional breakfast...aka secondary for years to come. I wasn't sold on the trade to snag the TE from Iowa...Pioli loves IA and Ii think this faltered his judgement....but this is one sitch where Ii like to be proven wrong.

So anyways, I am not going to touch on the Royals....too much, this is more of an update of last week's Loomisms. I did not have a working phone and then the NFL Draft totally took over my life, well...that and a trip to see mama and papa loom in KC.

Last week's Beer of the week:


As some of you know, I was blessed enough to attend the Repeal Prohibition Festival at Schlafly bottleworks on Saturday. Shockingly, Ii tried a lot of different beers and fell for one pretty hard. It was called "The Magician" which instantly reminded me of Joe Magician on Mutant League Football. Somehow this beer did not win beer of the week. That title goes to Buffalo Brewing Co's Buffalo Tail. It's a Double IPA and I got a growler of it. Simply exquisite. Too bad for you they do not bottle their beer! That Magician was awful good though....

Last week's Jam of the week:

"Prom Queen" by Lil Wayne. I was among the millions that bought his new album, Rebirth, on the day it came out. However, Ii was not overly impressed with it, just about 3-4 songs. This is one of them and I put it on my "Loomy Shore" compilation cd for jammin' in the Concorde. It grows on you and gets you goin, just like the songs A.D.D put out with Naked Drummer Rainn Wilson.

Last week's Game of the week:

"Chef's Luv Shack" N64. Retro gaming is the sheezy. No doubt. This is a four-player funfest that was played on many late nights in the past week and continues to be awesome, like Barnabus Stinson.

Last week's Movie of the week:

Missy and Ii went and saw Kick-Ass. It was solid. It wins hands down. Nick Cage is the jack of all trades.

Last week's Loomism(s):

So last Tuesday was my first turn up in golf league. I was ownin it for a little bit and missed four par puts from makeable distances. Whenever you put it on the green from outside the popular phrase is "You're dancing" like dancing on the green or whatever. I dislike that. So Ii was yelling three other things. If it was a hazard save or I dropped it within 15 feet of the pin I would scream "Old South!" or if I was on the green I'd proclaim "Homecoming" and if Ii was on the fringe or fairway lip outside of the green I'd simply state "Prom"
Yes, Ii would advise adapting to this lingo. It's solid.

Last week's letdown of the week:

Greinke turned in another 2 solid efforts and remains winless. "My fart will go on..."

Draft (Not Beer)

So, tomorrow evening marks yet another evening in NFL fans everywhere, the NFL Draft. I love it and think that the NFL markets themselves extremely well. They had an exhaustingly long draft in years past and it was virtually impossible to sit through the two-day marathon. Now, in prime-time deion sanders style they made a move to three days, which means more trades, better decisions (hopefully) and an alltogether easier fan experience. This was the best move they could have possibly done, as the MLB and NBA draft are both in prime time. The MLB, however, is the most flawed draft in pro sports. With no slotting system crappy teams like the well....you know....would shy away from top talent as they would stall out the teams or ask for the scrooge mcduck moneytower and then some and never sign..wasted pick. Can you imagine if we would have just drafted Wieters, Smoak, and Linnecum instead of ugh...others, maybe no Colt Griffin, no Jeff Austin, no D. Rob, and no moving JP Howell through the minors the second-quickest in franchise history, then calling him a bust, then trading him for Joey Gathright, who's claim to faim is he can jump over a moving car, as a fourth outfielder, a real thing of need (cough...Lubanski). Until you get a ground rule double for jumping over the ump and catcher while the pitcher tries to bean you, keep Gath, thanks D-Rays. The NBA really puts together the best draft, with the slotting system they have and the guaranteed money and years, you know exactly what you are going to get and how long you are going to get it, so youu try and get picked as soon as possible, like when you'd campaign for it at kickball so you could brag how awesome youu were. Kickball was the sheezy, anyone remember the KA Recess social we had? Legendary. Anyways, it seems as if everyone is throwing down a mock draft so Ii have decided to do so as well and just throw it down up here, I'm sure I will get 3-4 right out of 32, but hey, its fun to fill it out and watch and hope the Chiefs can't draft Tyson jackson again this year. Yikes. For the record, Ii hope we pick Eric Berry, and yes, Ii understand its a rediculous figure to give a safety that much dough....but we need one bad. I'm still pissed we let Pollard go, why not make him an OLB? He's havin' things out with the Texans.....

1-rams-bradford
2-lions-suh
3-bucs-mccoy
4-skins-williams
5-chiefs-okung
6-hawks-spiller
7-browns-berry
8-raiders-pierre-paul
9-bills-bulaga
10-jags-morgan
11-mcclain-denver
12-phins-d. williams
13-haden-niners
14-hawks-campbell
15-giants-bryant
16-kindle-titans
17-niners-davis
18-pitt-pouncey
19-graham-falcons
20-hou-wilson
21-cincy-thomas
22-pats-odrick
23-pack-iupati
24-eagles-griffen or gresham
25-ravens-thomas
26-Clausen-someone will trade the cards and get him
27-brown-dallas
28-cody-chargers
29-jets-mays
30-vikes-jackson
31-mccorty-colts
32-SPOON-Saints (reunited with Cchase Daniel)

How sick would it be if we got Okung then traded our 2nd and 3rd round picks to get mays late in the first round and then drafted Gresham in the 2nd round? Borderline amazing is the answer, especially if Shipley was still around when the clock strikes. I'm sure we won't do any of this and we will have a less-than-exciting draft again. But you can always hope...I AM a Royals fan!

LCD Soundsystem

I was in Missy's car Saturday and was listening to this song and asked her who it was by. She replied LCD Soundsystem. Seriously? Are we not even trying? I then spouted out like 15 goldmine names when compared to that. Then I realized that making up band names was a cool little hobby to have and would be a pretty money little game to play, just go around and say one, if its good you throw out props, bad you take a drink. I'm such a conversationalist. So what started with why arent they the park bench touchscreen (Yeah, I admit I'd have to take a drink on that one) became an addictive little game.....

I didn't write any of them down, but I am going to give myself 5 minutes and just write whatever comes to mind and jot them down on here, hopefully you get your giggle on.

Saggin' Wagons (Think of the album cover sagging jeans with a big ol' beat up station wagon tattoed on the cheek)
Uptight Fortnight
Pokin' Tokens
RamaHorns
Fistbump Skunk
Snidley Submarines
Canadian Applesauce
Shovin' in the Oven
Durable Dweebs
Icabod Ichiros
Moustakas Micehounds
Braided armpits
Eleventoed Elves
Warlock Chalks
Windows Werewolves
Pubescent Pinball
Zitcream Zebra
Distilled Diarheaa
The Monocles
Bicep Baggage
Crown Cartman
Clorox Conglomeration
Panic at the Urinal
Horseface Hopheads
Bones Jacksons
Algebra
Wet Rubber Ducky
Woven Toenails
Kingdom of Kankles
Lord of the Strings
Trippin' Taphandles
Jumpin' Jonny Chimpos
The Banana Hammocks

Okay, Ii admit it....I can do a lot better, but its 9:30 on a Sunday, have a great week everyone.

Happy Greinke Day!!!!!!!!!!!

Surely this has to be THE day for Zack Attack's first V of the year. I love Greinke Days. The AC hasn't been working well in my office and the guy whose office is connected to mine came in and asked if I was doing alright. I replied..."Dude, it's Greinke Day, how could I not be alright?" But Brian, it's uncomfortably hot in here, he said. And I said, "On Greinke Day it's cool, I'll even get some sand and put it on my office floor (I know a guy, we can get a good price, what up Old School) don the shades and hitup Dub Mart and get a few Tiki Torches." Wow, you are strange, but at least you love your Royals, I hope they win tonight.



What an excellent exchange. I hope they win also. All we have to do is let that bum Mendoza loose. I know everyone wants Aaron Crow up there with his nasty, filthy stuff. Ii hate when we rush guys through our system too quick. Anyone remember JP Howell? The guy we foolishly traded to the D-Rays for Joey Gathright? Joey Gathright!?!? Everyone needs a fourth outfielder. Just like the Maier/B. Anderson offseason debacle. "Dude, it's cool, send me to Single A, I'd rather be a pitcher anyways" Jack of all trades, hopefully I'll call him the Anti-Ank or reverse Ricky if and when he makes the doubters believers. I still think the Ankiel deal was a bad idea.

I love movies. They are just the bomb biggity. Firebomb actually. We are planning on seeing Kick Ass tonight. I hope its good, but I am certain it is no Hot Tub Time Machine. I need that on BluRay to survive. Not sure if I am more excited for that to drop on BluRay or Beauty and the Beast to hit Blu in Octo. Both will be spectac.

I sometimes dislike how naive and silly I am at the beginning of baseball season. But fathom this, if the Royals had one solid go to guy to bridge the gap between our great outta the gate starting pitching and Soria we'd have 4 less blown saves. That would make us the Division-Leading Kansas City Royals, rather than the Blind Squirrel tryin to get a nut KC Royals. I love those Royals either way.

NBA Playoffs start up tonight. I was goofin' off on ESPN Insider. Those nitwits actually think the Lake Show will be taken to seven games in the first round by Durantchula and his Thunder. Well Kobe is the Lightning to his thunder. Seven games? Try fiver, which leads me to another Loomism Bracket of Awesome:

Summing or Sprimmer

Whichever it is, we got jipped! The bliggity blog is back in E-fect. Sorry for the delay, I know only ten-twelve of you read this, so no biggs. Remember when baseball started in April and it was cool, low 60s during the day and low 40s at night? Yeah, that's called spring. This mid to high 80s daily is redic. Its dry and somewhat uncomfortable. Odd for me to say right? Summer is my fave, but I dig the transition. Not running the AC, keepin the windies open and catchin the breeze, it already feels like the dog days out there and it seems like it hasn't rained in weeks. It gets me in the groove for baseball....I'll tell you what doesn't....yup, the Royals bullpen. They make me want to hibernate or pray for winter. Management didn't address it, just gave it the ol' statistical try and said that most of the bullpen blunders were based on our defense. Ray Charles could tell us we had a sorry ass defense and we needed to upgrade. Instead we gave Eric Bedard money to Rick Ankiel and pushed DDJ out of LF, which he did an amazing job at last year, one of the few bright spots of last year'd begrudgingly terrible squad....wow. Ya know what? I'm gonna cool it on the Royals. I could write a million blogs on them and still have ammo. Just pose your attention on one of the latest Pos blogs. It's about the Royals leading the curve and being eccentric at best in the early 70s. If you're big on Pos or the Royals, or baseball def worth the quick glance (http://http//joeposnanski.com/JoeBlog/2010/04/10/moneyball-kc-style/e/)

Weekly Loomisms:

Beer of The Week:

This beer pretty much announces the arrival of summer, which has got my taste buds caught up also. It makes me think back to working in Cape Cod, hear the Massachusetts residents yell NO-MAAAHH, Main Street Hyannis, dislocating my knee cap, karaoke with TBone, Fenway with Weezy....and so so many others. I had my parents try this one out when they went up there, you just can't beat it on tap. It is Summer....Sam Adams Summer Ale! Try it when you can, and consider yourself lucky if you can find it on tap, especially in the Midwest!

Game of The Week:

Wow. This is going to fortify my dorkiness....but oh well. Remember playing Final Fantasy for the first time on your NES? Pretty solid? Check. How about playing the same game with better graphics? Yeah, Bingo. When I found out this was available for the iPhone I did an immediate purch....and haven't looked back. I have a solid vid game setup and I cannot put my stupid phone down to charge the batts. It's redic. This thing has engulfed all my free time. That and the Royals. Man, do I love those Royals. They are in fact the sheezy. This game doesn't suck, but it is def no Royals....

Sidenote. I love games where you can name your party. It's so Oregon Trail. Man, remember that one? Hunt for food, escape the typhoid fever, you parents used it to trick you into learning geography and struggle...but the joke was on them, you got to shoot squirrels!

Loomism of the Week:

I really hit you with the goods last week. I've been saying things off and on for the past week, but nothing has really picked up steam. Until the Royals game on Tuesday. First off, I think it is ridiculous that we have a Catcher no one wanted batting sixth. It's disgusting. But look at him. He is hitting .382 and refuses to take a day off, rockin the night game then clockin in early for the day game the following day, no love for Brayan Pena. He is riding a hitting streak (steady) and been a solid defensive addition behind the plate (rock)....yeah...his new nickname is RockSteady.

What's a RockSteady without a Bebop!?

How solid is Brian Bannister? He's outgoing, overanalyzes his perfomances, is a media darling and his dad owned it for the Blue Crew back in the day. So the battery mates are now a tag team not even Degeneration X could get derty with. Banni and Kendall are now Bebop and Rocksteady. Smooth huh? Pedro and Napolean Diesel can't even hold them down, sadly the 'pen can and caused Banni yet another no-sish. That gets you right on the downdown, as Farva would say "Did not Specify!!!"

Jam of the Week:

I first heard this on MTV Jams at like 2am when I could not fall back asleep. It's catchy like Bebop and Dirty Pop like the old days. Plus, a shout-out to N64's freezing up. Ahh, vintage gaming, gotta love the cartridge freeze. Keeper. The joint is "Nothin' on You" by B.o.B featuring Bruno Mars. Its a solid smooth jam to enjoy the Sprimmer to with a nice cool Sammy Sum.

Movie of the Week:

Yeah. I figured it was only a matter of time before Ii threw this on here. Basically, I have to fall asleep to noise, preferrably a sporting event or movie (most likely the latter). This week it was a blast from the past, Super Troopers. So quoteable. Everytime you see it you want to watch it again. Ii pulled it out for the lead-up to Broken Lizard's new movie, Slammin' Salmon. Which I also watched on Tues curt of Netflix, which will be totally cherry bombed if the USPS makes the play for the two-day weekend. Inconvien...but whatevs The Slammin' Salmon was pretty good. I think it is leaps and bounds better than Club Dread. A few more watchings and Ii could get in the groove. May wanna Redbox it or Flix it when you get a tic.

Loom Bracket of Awesome (Final Edition):

Okay, I really let this linger, like a Fiber-One rip, but I'm gonna kick it NKOTB style. Lightning Round, Family Feud Style....annnnnd go!

Duke bodyrocks G'Town, Iverson dribbles around Hurley then looks at him and Hurley's overbite acts as Medusa's hair. He instantly turns to stone, vintage Grant Hill, pre-Sprite era.

Syracuse's NBA powerhouse destroys UNC, it's like they are playing on the moon and Rony Seikaly is the only one with gravity power, which acts as a superpower when he patrols the space lane. I wonder who is uglier...Eric Montross, Rony Seikaly, or any member of Space Jam's the Monstars...take your pick. Oh yeah....the winner of that versus Bobby Hurley in a staring contest...go

Michigan and UK, possibly the best matchup on paper turns into a Block Party. Thinking about these two playing makes me wanna run to the local library and check out "Fab Five" by Mitch Albom. UM doesn't need time outs, so this team is safe. Not quite Romper Room, but they do work.

UNLV. Arkansas. Runnin Rebs. Larry Johnson plays in his Grandmama outfit and breaks a heal while dunking on the Big Nasty. Apparently you needed to be ugly and athletic to be a stud back in the early nineties. When your nick is Big Nasty, you've got more probs than Bobby Hurley's overbite.

Onto the next round....

Grant Hill discovers Sprite, but Billy Owens still dominates in this game of future stars. Who would have thought Grant Hill would be the only guy on this Duke team to amount to anything in the pros. Duke tries out the five D's of dodgeball but are unsuccessful. This sets up the championship nicely for the Orangemen and.....

littering and.....

littering and.....

littering and.....

UNLV Runnin' the tabes on Steve Fisher's youthful squad. Tark at least takes out the towel and Larry Johnson wears people clothes...ie not a grandma outfit.

UNLV vs. Syracuse

UNLV.

Next week I plan on unveiling the beginning of the aforementioned "April Awareness" Some of the dorklords may find dayjobs as they can be bracketologists for that bracket...sadly, what I say goes....back to your parents' basements kids.

The Prism of Loomism

Weekly Loomisms? Game on.

A prism, as you know, is a translucent optical element with a flat, polished surface that reflects light. How do the multifaceted Royals compare? Think about it.

No matter how well we play, or how solid our starting pitching is, we still have the same weaknesses as 2009. The current 2010 Royals keep getting that reflection of light of the 09 squad. Preach better defense all offseason. Betancourt blunder equals big inning. Seitzer preaches timely hitting and contact. Jose Guillen equals not clutch. Bullpen sucks. Yup. If you remember in 2009 our starting pitching began unhittable as well. You remember Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Heroes in a halfshell...turtle power! There's gonna be some major references. The weekly Loomisms are long overdue.

Game of the Week:

MLB2K10. This game is solid, and opening day 2010 was on Monday. Coinsidence? Def not. The my player mode is almost as addicting as those wonderful Starburst jelly beans. Man, am I gonna miss those. Not sure what I enjoyed more....the Tropical ones, the regulars, or the underdog...the sour ones. Hmmm. Part of me doesn't even wanna get nasty with this blog, they'd rather go deep on a nasty slider from the opposition. I digress...as per use

Beer of the Week:

This one is a bit of a surprise. I was dead set on another Boulevard product that I enjoyed throughout my wonderful weekend in KC....but then I had a taste of this familiar ale and remembered telling Hofbrewhaus that it was Oaf's bday and watching him dance it up on stage while we stood on a table and clanked heavy glass steins together. This is the light taste of summer....until Ii endulge in Sam Summer or some unbeatable Zon. Until then.....

Beer of the week is Hofbrewhaus's Hefeweisen. I enjoyed this light hoppy goodness during the Royals Opening Day loss...it made me feel a bit better about the whole sitch.

Song of the Week:

"More" by Usher. Man. Raymond v Raymond is hot. I think he wrote that "Burn" song on a previous album foreshadowing about this album. I was afraid my cd player in the 'Corde was going to bust into flames a la Simpsons style. He first unveiled this at the NBA All-Star game in Dallas. May not be the best track on the album, but it is my favorite at the moment...hence the track of the week award. I have been made fun of surely when I was dancing around while driving to this one and yelling the words. Ursh.

Loomisms of the Week:

I hit you with the ToeJam & Earl on Monday regarding B-But and A-Gord. I have another nicky for two Royals players...but I think I will save it for later...instead of the piggybank it will be placed in the hmmm not sure whats the best:

a. bacobank

b. scroogeasaurus (Ducktales...wooo hoo!)

c. Ideabox

d. Awesomairy

Yeah, so lately I've been all about getting my cook on. I like saying it and talking about how awesome I am. So from now on I will be throwing down "Getting my Emeril on" Elegant and debutant...yeah, that's how Ii get down.

So, this weekend I was over at Phil "Hollywood's" Place and we were playing the name the old school sitcom. One of us would shout one out and reminisce. I'd recommend you do that and try and name the characters it would make a sweet drinking game, like a cooler, more grown-up I never. Family Matters. Eddie Winslow. Stephon Urkel. Carl "Big Guy" Winslow...etc. Never ending night of fun... you actually don't even have to drink to play it. We didn't and we went on for hours. I just thought of one today when Ii was looking through my all time college bracket of awesome. Remember Romper Room? Mr. Do-Be what up? I think when a team is getting skunked, blown out, or utterly embarrassed it should now be referred to as Romper Room. I remember watching that on KCPT channel 19. Solid. LeVar Burton would throw down some Reading Rainbow magic around then. That guy was smooth.

Ahh, the TMNT thing? Remember the Technodrome? The think was like a giant egg of evil. It had a mouser factory inside and tons of lasers. Shredder and Krang would chill in there and hatch diabolical skeems 24-7. Then they would underestimate things and the turtles would get their hands on some pizza then it would be game over. Or Bebop and Rocksteady would screw it up. Remember how easy it was to pulverize those jokesters on the arcade game? Ii would totally own it at Showbiz. Which is what you kids today call Chuck E. Cheese. I just went into one last weekend and did work on the games. Their motto is truly correct, it is where a kid can be a kid, and I may be the biggest kid at heart any of you know. Anyways, an evil plot or scheme, if it is truly diabolical will now be referred to as Technodrome. Not sure if that fits, but its fun to say then talk about the show. Anyways, how often do u have a chance to say a new word about an evil act? All of the words for them are fun to say, dastardly? fiendish? Etc...the list goes on and on, so Technodrome just fits.

Loomism Bracket of awesome:

If you recall last week I threw down my top 17 teams of all time in college basketball and bracketized it. I love brackets. We really did get treated to an outstanding game Monday night in Indy. It seems as if college basketball is back on a level playing field. The three teams I felt were above and beyond all faltered pre final four and the level of play really didn't dip drastically. The NCAA is really throwing a Technodrome out though, opting out of the $6 billion deal with CBS to sign up with ESPN to tout a 96-team bracket. Its all about the Benji's...or the Franklins....or any type of green actually. This may ruin the excitement, but they said that back in 1985 and the tournament obviously has gained some steam.

Speaking of steam, the twin towers of Stanley the manley and Shaq bebop and rocksteady their way to victory against Hank gather's Loyola Marymount squad. trying to dribble through and around two seven foot nba stars isn't quite what they were used to in the early 90s. Their defensive strategy of hanging on them like a jungle gym doesn't prove to work as they kick out to Chris "Abdul-Rauf" Jackson as he rocks six treys.

America's team quickly dispatches the LSU team with a blend of athleticism and mid range jump shots. Shaq aka Neon Bordeux still swats 10 shots and this is when the hack a shaq technique begins, from the mind of Coach K. Man, that guy doesn't look a day over fifty. If I had to deal with all those young'ns all the time and babysit them I'd look more like Gandolf the Grey from Lord of the Rings.

The highly touted UCLA/G'town game causes three separate seizures, two by camera men trying to film Iverson and Edney run all over the place and one by Jim Harrick, UCLA's coach which causes Toby Bailey to miss a buzzer beater and George Zidek to give his best Adam Morrison impression at midcourt. Except it sounds more like "Big Z angry"

UNC outclasses Arizona as Bibby and Dickerson go cold and Miles Simon keeps trying to get Vince Carters autograph. He signs his jersey while hanging from the rim by his elbow. This is a first.

Syracuse overpowers Utah. Andre Miller and Sherman Douglas go at it and Hanno Mottola trips on his shoelace trying to guard the elusive Billy Owens. Rony Seikaly actually contains Van Horn and the Orangemen Romper Room.

The Fab Five Don't Need to worry about calling timeouts as they dispatch the Jayhawks as well. Michigan actually holds a slam dunk contest midway through the second half just to keep the audience from falling asleep. Steve fisher seems impressed.

96 Kentucky was good. Too good for Rip and the Huskies. Not even Jesus Shuttlesworth himself could overpower this team. Its like Hoosiers...with Mashburn. Unfair.

As ugly as Joakim Noah is....he can't out-ugly the Big Nasty Corliss Williamson. The best team in the past decade goes down to the trend-setting 40 minutes of hell from coach Nolan Richardson. How nasty was Big Nasty? Nastier than Noah's greasy hair...and then some....

Tarkanian leaves the towel at home as Travieso and Padilla shoot 5-31 in three point goals and Camby spends the game in foul trouble. UNLV is Romper Room, I'd be scared to see whats next!

Onto the good stuff next week. Elite Eight to Final Feezy? Maybe I'll spoil ya and just finish it off, not sure anyone was that interested in it anyways....

Hope turns into belief....belief quickly turns into....well, the 2009 Royals

Wow.

With this brief bit of time I have between a new epi of Rules of Engagement followed by what hopes to be a fantastic championship game I had planned on gettin' derrty with my MLB predictions and was gonna throw out some goofy Loomisms and talk about how Zack Greinke spent the offseason getting married and training with Bones Jackson in Mutant League and how I had always hoped that B-But and A-Gord (Billy Butler and Alex Gordon) would become a dreaded one two punch on the corner infield at the K and propose a slick nickname that would stick like a dart on a dartboard at the Hair of the Dog. I cannot help myself. I love the Royals. I rock a Royals jersey to work on Opening Day...and I work in Cardinal nation. I've always loved them, and always will. Even if I live in Hong Kong, Brazil, Montana, or with the Mounties up North....who knows where my path will lead, but I'd like to think the Royals path is headed upward. The past two offseasons have been hellacious. Giving up solid, proven bullpen talent for a fat guy with no on base potential whatsoev and no defensive prospects and an injury-prone centerfielder nicknamed after a cereal really started a downhill slide that you couldn't grasp a tree or comic relief. Greinke seemed solid, yet at times human today. Which is to be expected. Detroit's lineup is not fear-provoking, but does hold a key ex-Royal who was available via free agency. Instead of going after Jerrod Washburn or Erik Bedard...we went after....Rick Ankiel. He is a nice story. Fairytale actually. Leave that noise in Far Far Away. This guy's swing is atrocious. I'd rather sit through a lecture solely based on nails hitting a chalkboard while someone made me chug coffee. That is how the season will go for him. At least with Jacobs we go two things. Two weeks of the Balboni watch and hope mixed with the coolest video sequence at the K all year...the high five exhibition he put on. I love gimmicks. I love electronics. I love when Mustard owns the hot dog derby. But I do not love moving DDJ out of LF so this joker can play CF. Put him in right and enjoy his cannon and have a speedy OF if that's what you are after. This guy will make you forget about Jacobs and Farns. He will be the downfall. Hole in the swing Ankiel, no beavers did not sneak into the clubhouse and notch holes in your bats. That's your swing broheim. The day did not come without bright spots. Getz seems like a reasonable acquisition for a guy that had to go. I still think back to the 06 offseason when the Pirates offered Jason Bay for Teahen, straight up. Blooming Onion (Willie Bloomquist) was showing off the slick fielding that plagued the Royals in 09 and the pen looked even worse. EVEN WORSE. They had an above five ERA and looked even worse. This will be tough to comprehend. For anyone. Greinke has to already be getting frustrated from day one. I did like how we manufactured some runs and B-But did some two-out workmanship. Making something outta nothing, like Hardees makes those tasty biscuits from scratch, every day. DDJ looked great. So at least we have four solid guys to build around, but the question is...what does the remainder of our starting pitching look like? Hopefully not like the 09 Royals. I saw enough of them.

Okay, I'm too much of a child. My 2010 nickname for B-But and A-Gord is Toejam and Earl. You remember TJ&E don't cha? Earl liked to Eat and ToeJam liked to be slick. I wanted B-But to eat pitchers for any applicable meal and Ii wanted Gordo to stay healthy and continue developing a slick glove and stay healthy. Hopefully the six legs would allow him to lift more bases and be the 20/20 threat we all thought he could be. I get it, being crowned "The next George Brett" at an early age is a lot of pressure. But c'mon brother. You had a bobblehead with a bucket of corn handed out at the K last year, and I gave you a sweet nickname.

2010 MLB Predictions:

Okay, I admit it. I am still semi-in the mood to drop it and lock it just so I can throw out an I told you so or two at year's end. Projected standings are following my little spiel, I didn't just feel like typing every team in each division.

AL East

Okay. We get it. The Yankees decided to spend the interest of the national debt to field the best team possible. Getting Grandy and Javier Vasquez this year was not only brilliant, but somehow made them even better. They could have handled the Damon sitch better though, he is old and slower but still a leader and clutch hitter. This could give them a bit of problems later in the year and the postseason. They are my pick to win the AL East and have the best record in the AL. Surprisingly, even after giving up Kazmir to the Angels, I think the D-Rays are going to do work and win the wild card from the Red Sox in what may be the best wildcard since 08 when the Yanks and RedSox were in a Halo killathon for victories. I look forward to watching this.

Yankees

LuciferRays

BoSox

Ripkens

Jays

AL Central

Okay, obviously Ii want to throw down a shocker and say the Royals will win it. They won't. No pen and no power are not the way to win divisions. The Twins are solid, like ice outta the freezer. Nathan or no Nathan, no matter. Winners equal them. It will be interesting to see them play outdoors this year at the beautiful Target field. CreamSox have good pitching and will finish second, probably right around 500. Tigers will follow suit and we will Krzyzewski it out with the Indians for the cellar. We will finish in the wine cellar....which is one step above the bottom of the barrel. How cool is this snap I took at the local Gladstone Hy-Vee?

Twins, Basil, Twins!

CreamSox

Tigers of the non-Truman quality

Royals

Feathers

AL West.

I admit it. I've drank the Kool-Aid on the Mariners. I like their offseason acquisitions and I know they can't be as good as Ii think they will be. But hey, it's April! I say they pull the magic carpet out of the Angels, Aladdin style. I've been wrong before.

Mariners

Angels in the Outfield

Walker, Texas Rangers

A's

Playoffs

Yanks v. Mariners

Rays v. Twins

Yanks smooth through in four, Twins get dirty and shock the Rays. It doesn't matter, as the Pin-Stripes pon de replay on last years playoffs and beat the Twins in six.

Onto the Series they go.....

NL East

Cloudy with a chance of Braves. That's right the tomahawks will be back in the playoffs, you heard it here first! As a wild card. Heyward Christian Soldiers is the real deal and you know they are gonna do work for Bobby Cox in his last year. The Phils added the best pitcher in the majors. So yeah, I'd say they improved....plus they have Ibanez, I do love my ex-Royals. Speaking of ex-Royals, hopefully Beltran comes back healthy as Chris Berman after his healthy choice commercials, Ii have him on both my fan-tasty teams. Beltran was and still is the man, sadly the Mets have zero pitching after Don't Mess with the Johan (Santana). Next year? Hopefully. You can't outscore everyone!

Phillies (remember when Corey would rock the Phillies hat to school every day and Feeney would make him take it off? Boy meets world was the Sheezy!)

Braves

Mets

Marlins

Strasburgs

NL Central

Birds. Duh.

Cards

Reds

Cubs

Pirates

Stros

NL West

This one is tricky. My pick is the Giants. Did you hear they are handing out Timmy Lincecum bobbleheads and six of the 20,000 freebombs will have real authentic hair from a clinic in Chicago? Isn't that a bit creepster? Peep it here at http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/blog/big_league_stew/post/Hello-dolly-Giants-plan-Lincecum-bobblehead-wi?urn=mlb,231646. As unstellar as their lineup is and as powerful as the Dodgers is, I still feel like the Giants are gonna get jiggy with the postseason. Put that on the chisel for rizzle....at least until the dogdays of summer when I will most likely update my thoughts and flip the script....maybe

Giants

Five D's of Dodgerball

Rocky Road

D-Backs

Padre (ie Father help us we are terrible)

Liberty Bells v. Giants

Tomahawks v. Cards

Upset alert! Braves take the Birds to five games, but the Birds prevail. Phils superoffense knocksout the Giants pitching in four. Remember knockout? That game where you start at the top of the key and try and make a shot before your opponent? Ahhh....Larry Holley basketball camp at William Jewel. Those were the days.

Birds v. Phils

Phils in six.

Phillies win the World Series this year. I hate the Yankees.